“You Stab ‘Em, I’ll Slab ‘Em!”

If I lived in Catawba County, I’d vote for this guy!

Meet a man named Shell Pearce, who lives in Catawba County, NC and is running for Coroner.

But there is no position for Coroner available in Catawba County.

Why?

Because despite being authorized by State Statute and despite having a Coroner for decades and despite NEEDING a Coroner based on the size of the County, the General Assembly voted in 2020 to abolish the role of Coroner.

Imagine that!

Gee, now let me see if I have my history correct here….

What happened in 2020?

Ah, yes!

A huge PLANNED-DEMIC!

And what would you not want to have if you didn’t want people connecting the dots about what’s really going on?

I believe you’d want to get rid of the Coroner.

Interesting….

According to Google and Wikipedia, Catawba County has a population of 160,610:

Enter Shell Pearce, a local attorney and man who thinks it’s absurd they don’t have a Coroner.

So he’s running for the position, even though it may or may not even exist.

And to get attention to his cause, he’s posted a Billboard that says “You Stab ‘Em, I’ll Slab ‘Em!”

It’s certainly eye-catching.

Watch here:

"YOU STAB 'EM…I'LL SLAB 'EM!" pic.twitter.com/Ga18DmDhGJ

— DailyNoah.com (@DailyNoahNews) September 27, 2023

Local WSOC has more details:

A man is hoping a billboard that reads “You stab ‘em… I’ll slab ‘em!” will catch voters’ attention as he pushes to become the Catawba County coroner.

That billboard is along one of the busiest roads in Newton, Business 321.

But as Channel 9’s Dave Faherty learned, the county isn’t even looking for a coroner.

Attorney Shell Pearce showed Faherty the general statutes set out by the state he says allows for each county to have a coroner. But in 2020, the General Assembly voted overwhelmingly to abolish the office of the coroner in the four remaining counties that still had one.

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“With the rising number of fatalities, drug overdoses, criminal activity, things like that — it doesn’t make sense that the coroner should not exist,” Pearce said.

A spokesperson for Catawba County said there are currently seven on-call medical examiners in Catawba County. A medical examiner is a physician — often a pathologist — while a coroner is an elected official who may or may not have medical training.

But some say the billboard messaging is misleading since the coroner isn’t on the ballot.

“It’s not right,” Von Abernathy said. “You can’t put stuff up like that, but today’s society, yes they’ll do it.”

I’d like to officially go on record as saying I like this guy….

I’d vote for Pearce!

But can I just make one suggestion?

He needs a second Billboard.

This first one is fine, obviously referring to violent crime in the area.

Now for a second one, to honor the Poison Jab, may I suggest:  “You JAB ‘Em, I’ll Slab ‘Em!”

Let’s keep the theme going!

Go Pearce!