Looks like you don’t need The Onion with it’s satirical articles when real news can be just as outrageous.
This story feels like it’s a real-life sitcom.
So, picture this—Khanye Edrayieze Medley, 20 years old, gets into a verbal fight with his sister because he’s hungry and mad .
But instead of just using words like the rest of us, Khanye decides to escalate the drama by flinging fried chicken at his sister.
Classic move.
So the police got involved and arrived on the scene.
By then the chicken was cold so the officers didn’t bother to ask for a piece.
And so Khanye was booked for domestic battery charge.
(No word yet if the culprit used a drumstick or a chicken breast. We’ll keep you posted.)
Khanye was "hangry" at his sister, with predictable results-
"The motive for the chicken winging? Medley “stated he did this because he had not eaten and did not want the piece of chicken the victim offered him so he became upset.”https://t.co/f3duUjTqng pic.twitter.com/CPhvXwtQRJ
— Intrepid (@RuDauntless) May 2, 2024
Here’s the affidavit:
The Independent reports:
A Florida man was arrested after an argument between him and his sister escalated to the point he started to hurl fried chicken at his sibling during their spat in their home.
Khanye Edrayieze Medley, 20, was taken into custody on Monday by Clearwater Police on a domestic battery charge, jail records show after he allegedly launched a piece of chicken at his sister’s back the previous afternoon.
Mr Medley, who lives with his sister at their Clearwater residence, is claimed to have gotten into a verbal altercation with his sibling, an arrest affidavit obtained by The Smoking Gun stated.
While the siblings were exchanging words, Mr Medley allegedly grabbed a bag of chicken from the victim and began hurling the chicken at her.
ADVERTISEMENTThe chicken was from a place called “Churches”, possibly meaning Church’s Texas Chicken, which has a location down the road from their residence, the affidavit hastened to add.
One piece of the fried chicken struck the victim in the back and left debris of food on her shoulders, the affidavit claims.
While officers were interviewing Mr Medley, he admitted to throwing two pieces of fried chicken at his sister, one of which hit her.
When asked at what motivated him to start throwing the chicken at her, Mr Medley claimed he did it because “he had not eaten and did not want the piece of chicken the victim offered him, so he became upset”.
The 20-year-old was released from Pinellas County Jail the following day on recognizance.
In light of this chicken violence, it’s a good time to bring up chicken control laws.
Is there any reason why 12-piece chicken assault buckets aren’t regulated?
I’ll give you reasons why they should be, which mirror reasons why the Establishment want gun control:
- Public Safety: People any where could be carrying chicken buckets, ready to strike.
- Mass Chicken Throwing: High-capacity buckets can facilitate large-scale attacks.
- Regulation: Inadequate chicken laws lead to accessibility by unfit individuals.
- Crime Impact: Fried chicken contributes to crime rates and illegal drumsticking .
- Accidental Deaths: Instances of deaths go up 13% with daily fried chicken.
- Mental Health: Access to fried chicken exacerbates mental health risks.
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